Christmas Break

I had a wonderful Christmas Break -- aside from those 2 scary days after the amniocentesis where I had to take it easy. Our family was so festive and the celebration was at our house (my mom's actually). I love Christmas at mom's house. Anyways, I'm feeling a lot better now and the baby is kicking around a lot. I wonder if she’ll be a soccer player or at least have strong legs like me. I'm just waiting for the amniocentesis results to come in a few days -- seems like weeks.

Family Affair

I know I'm supposed to take it easy today as my second day of resting after the amniocentesis, but I wanted to go up to LA w/ the rest of my family to attend my grand-uncle's funeral. Almost everyone would be there that I'm close to. It was a long day sort of. I didn't do anything risky except for carrying a 20 pound baby. But I think it's okay. I held her for about 10 minutes until someone snatched her away and played.

I found out that my cousin-in-law is pregnant too -- SARA, Congratulations! She's 3 months pregnant, just 2 months before me. It was so funny when we said goodbye to each other -- we did the Carebear share belly kiss. =)

My belly is feeling much better than yesterday. I don't feel that pinching and cramping sensation at the pierced area. I did however wonder if I startled the baby when I had to jump down from my dad's tall/elevated van to get to the church this morning. I changed quickly from a sitting to standing position. I think she's fine. I just have to continually make sure that she's happily kicking and that I'm not leaking any amniotic fluids nor getting a fever. So far things are progressively getting better. I still wished that I didn't go through that test, but it's over with now.

Some moms at the funeral were saying that I look too big to be 5 months. Gosh! Even when I'm pregnant these people bother me about my weight. I guess they're more concerned about how big the baby will be when she gets out -- the bigger she gets the more complicated the birthing will be. I don't think the baby is big but that my belly had excess fat to begin w/ making the pregnancy look advanced.

I want to thank all you women who prayed for my baby and I during this upsetting time. I wish I could do the same for you all. =) Happy Holidays!

6 Hours Later

2:30PM :: It's been 6 hours since the amniocentesis happened and I'm physically feeling better than I had hours earlier. I still have a slight stinging/pinching pain at the pierce point, which is covered w/ an average sized bandage used for fingers. I'm getting a dull headache after all this -- it's probably psychosomatic of me to feel this way after all the worry I put myself through prior to the amniocentesis. I wouldn't be surprised if I got ill. I just hope everything is okay down there.

To reassure myself, I got a lap-timer and counted how many times the baby moved. She's not moving now -- probably is napping -- but hopefully her world will be alright. I'm pretty protective of what gets near to her.

In Shock

Oh my God!! I can't believe I actually went through w/ that stupid amniocentesis test. I feel more worried than before since I have to look out for symptoms of miscarriage in these next few days: vaginal spotting, extreme cramping, and high fever. I felt so ambivalent about taking this test and kinda feel ashamed for taking it. I know that I'm making it sound worse than it could be, but it kinda goes against my personal beliefs. So how did I do it or why did I go on w/ it? I just shut my negative mind off and convinced myself that everything will be all right b/c every experience I've read/listened to of other women having this test was positive -- meaning, the baby turned out to be fine and the pregnancy was normal. I just hate it that I've subjected myself to such invasive testing.

It was really scary. It reminded me of another traumatic hospital/clinic experience I've had years before which I don't want to mention again here in this journal. The room was dark (of course, to see the ultrasound screen) -- the medical staff were trying to be personable (and they did their best) -- the sounds of the computer and the rubber gloves snapping and the swishing of the iodine solution cleaning my belly and that steril smell -- it all reminded me of that traumatic experience I hate to mention, but for cryptic sake I call it the "ABC".

My mom was there next to me. She was giving the medical staff a hard time about sitting down during the procedure. She felt guilty for being offered a stool and she thought that single stool in the office was for the doctor but actually the doctors don't even use it. O well, that's the Catholic guilt thing for you.

I was glad the doctor explained every single detail happening to my body and baby. He alerted when I'd feel the prick of the needle, the cramping of the uterus, and the removal of the needle. I liked him, but I think I might have made him a little anxious b/c he saw my face was very worried yet hopeful.

I really hope my baby is okay. I'm sorry to have let you near such possible pain, little girl. Brianna Grace Miller. David picked that name for you. I was hoping he'd agree w/ Anaya Grace or Anaya Rose Miller. We'll see what other names we can come up w/ for you, our little baby girl. You are so adorable in my little womb, opening/closing your mouth. You are cute!

Tailbone Pain

I wobbled a lot today. My tailbone was in pain -- actually my pelvis bone or one of those near my butt was hurting. I read that this is common especially during this time b/c my body is preparing itself for the decent of the baby by stretching the bones. No wonder many pregnant women have lower back pain -- mine is actually lower butt pain -- hehe.

I'm pretty weirded out about the decision to either stay home completely, working part-time (if possible), or working full-time (Oh God I hope not) after my pregnancy leave. I'm very strong about having staying home to raise the kids b/c of my experience growing up w/ multiple "mothers". Things are better now between my parents and I but I was pretty bitter growing up. Who knows, at least if history repeats itself, I'll know what to expect w/ my child and I'll probably know how to deal w/ it better. Sheesh -- this is the part of motherhood I'm not looking forward to. I really hope I could just work part time.

1-2-3-Get ready-Move baby, please?

David and I are here at Nick and Alba's spending time w/ good company. Actually, it's morning time as I write this and we have to go back up to Escondido sometime soon to prepare for a small gathering at Kitt & Fred's. It's a cookie exchange party and I've already got fattened up eating the cookies that I'm supposed to bring.

Anyways, I haven't noticed the baby moving most of the day yesterday but probably b/c I was so busy getting ready for the Christmas festivities coming up next week. I'm sure our baby is fine -- and I'm going to live through this curiousity about the health of my baby for another 4 months. Sheesh. I hope she's okay.

WEIGHT: 165 LBS
BELLY-H: 39-1/2"
BELLY-V: 16-3/4"
WAIST: 34-1/4"
BOOBS-H: 37"
BOOBS-V: 14"

Better, Kind of

I feel a bit better than I had yesterday, and of course I feel much better the day before that when the scary ultrasound actually took place. Talking to my many coworkers who've either had kids or are having kids or knew someone who had a child w/ Choroid Plexy Cyst in the brain comforted me -- they especially comforted me w/ the scary decision I will make in taking this annoying amniocentesis test. Many are praying for the baby and Dave and I for the worst possibility to not take place. I feel blessed for working in a company where everyone is not ashamed to share their faith.

I wish I didn't have to hear that my baby has a Choroid Plexy Cyst in her brain or that my baby has that slight chance of having Trisomy 18. It's so scary. However, I think our baby will be normal and that this is just a big scare that doctors do just so they could cover their butts in the long run -- doctors have to tell their patients the worst possible outcome before focusing on the positive so that the patients wouldn't file lawsuit agaisnt these docs just in case something wrong actually does happen.

But I'm going to take the amniocentesis anyway and I'm not going to like it -- not because there'll be a long thin needle piercing through my belly (I hate needles) but that my child has that 1/200 chance of dying due to this test. I could opt out of it, but I'm pretty upset about finding out this possible problem especially w/ this scare at the very first ultrasound. Amniocentesis is a very invasive test. I hate it that doctors know too much and that they want to test for everything that could possibly go wrong. What happened to the days when women just had their babies and lived w/ the consequences then and there at the birth?

But anyways, in the end, there should be much rejoicing. (David told me to add that last line for all the Monty Python fans reading -- sheesh.)

Amniocentesis for Trisomy 18

The more I talk about having an amniocentesis or not, the more I'm choosing "not". I think I'm just getting a little worried about a condition that probably isn't true. Many mothers always want a healthy baby and it's normal for me to freak out when the doctor urged me to go upstairs to talk to a genetic counselor -- in between patients -- as if something really bad is going on. At first thought, it seems terrifying. Then after the negative emotional impact subsides, God takes over and eases the entire situation.

I'm now thinking that if God really wanted me to have this baby w/ a genetic defect, then he did it because it would make me stronger down the road. Amniocentesis is a medical test invented by doctors -- and it's only a test. If my baby actually did have Trisomy 18, there's nothing that doctors can do. I just have to put my faith in God to carry me through this possible loss when the time comes for the baby to deliver.

My Linea Negra

I've been noticing every morning when I take my shower that the line down the middle of my belly is getting darker and darker. I always forget to document it here in my journal until today. http://www.babycrowd.com/jr/online/babymiller/slide.html?post_imgid=9345

A Scary Ultrasound

Actually, now that I look back at the ultrasound that happened yesterday 12/14/05 it wasn't so scary. I just got really upset when the doctor recommended that David and I go upstairs to see a genetic counselor right away and inbetween patients. Sounded serious! What happened was she and the ultrasound technician found a cyst in the Choroid Plexus region of the brain and that the baby wasn't releasing her fingers -- two possible symptoms of Trisomy 18 (a lethal chromosome defect; meaning that the baby wouldn't live past 2 days if it were born).

I was so upset with what I was hearing from the genetic counselor, I cried. She said that even if my baby's alpha-feta protien test looked healthy there was a slight chance that my baby could still have Trisomy 18 b/c the AFP test was only 65% accurate. So she brought up the idea of having an amniocentesis test done on me to be 99% accurate. From the get-go I did not want to take the amniocentesis test at all just b/c of that possible risk of losing my baby from placenta leakage or infection at the point of pierce. Plus this test is invasive to that region I am so protective of. However, since I was so upset to hear and see that my baby has a Choroid Plexus Cyst in her brain, the thought of taking the amniocentesis seemed somewhat reasonable and risky. I'm quite ambivalent right now.

Anyways, other than those 2 symptoms, my baby girl appeared fine in this ultrasound. And yes, the ultrasound technician guessed that it was a girl. All this time I thought it was a boy. The lunar calendar said it would be a boy and my mom's "hocus pocus" using a pencil, string, and pin said it would be a boy, and that David and I followed the directions in a book stating the best times to get a boy. I really wanted a boy just because of an old wives tale that said having the first child a boy is easier for the parents. I have no idea why I agreed, but if the technician is correct then I'm going to have to think up more girl names and prepare for all the responsibilities in having a girl. I was a girl and created so much trouble for my family. I hope my baby girl won't be like I used to be =)

First Ultrasound Tomorrow

We actually kinda scheduled my first ultrasound later than I could have. I'm already 5 months pregnant when I could have gotten it done a little after 4 months. There were lots of changes happening w/ these insurance changes especially that David switched jobs and switch to better medical insurance as well.

Anyways, today I am 21 weeks 12/13/05 and things are going well.

I think I do want to find out if it's a boy or a girl. David doesn't care what it is anymore.

WEIGHT: 165 LBS

Down Then Up

Things are manageable again =). I'm referring to these emotions that I go through w/ this baby hormone stuff. I was down then I'm up. I need to learn to accept these rollercoasters when they happen -- maybe also remind myself take a step back and realize that these down moments are temporary -- especially when I could rely on God during these hardships. David and I started praying together again -- and it seems to always be rough when we walk away. Duh! Anyways . . .

This past weekend was a busy one. First was my company Christmas party on Friday -- then my God-parent's traditional White Elephant Exchange on Saturday -- finally my mom's association Christmas party on Sunday.

All throughout this busy weekend seeing family friends and kids, I've been having stronger feelings of connectedness to others more than before I was pregnant. I can actually relate to my family and friends w/ children. I'm starting to develop hopes and dreams that my child will be successful as other parents hope for their children. It's an amazing feeling I'm going through. I kinda feel more grown-up since I've accepted this responsibility of raising a child.

Unfortunately, while I'm needing more support from veteran mothers to guide and prepare me for the responsibilities of motherhood, I feel like my relationships w/ my single friends is sort of fading -- and I hate to admit this. My first pregnancy is a time where I really have to rely on others and God b/c this lifestyle is entirely new -- and usually scary. I'm glad I have a few close friends to tell me that every undesireable emotion I undergo is actually very normal. One of these days I'll be able to look back and help to pull up others who would be in my situation where the whole world seems tough. I'll be able to say,

"It's just the hormones, baby!"

Water Break or Water Leak?

I was so worried late last night about the large wet spot on my panties when David and I came home from an exciting Christmas Work party that we deejayed here. Even though deejaying is considered work, we had so much fun and attention (and who doesn't like positive attention?) from start (5PM) to finish (2AM) -- this includes the Post-Christmas-Work-Party at Kitt & Fred's house.

Overall, this was probably the best party that David and I hosted aside from our wedding. There were games and prizes and the funnest game was the Karaoke contest. I thought it was a volunteer thing, but I, happily, was the first to be elected by many voices in the audience. Pam encouraged me to sing "Stand By Your Man" (by Patsy Cline?) -- the same song that won me a $15 Gap gift certificate back in college and the same song I sang at Gerda's a few weeks ago. This song never seems to go wrong w/ my voice. After all the contestants sang, Gerda and I had to do a sing-off since we tied. I won again w/ Madonna's "Santa Baby" and got an Ipod Shuffle!! Wow!

After the Master Manuals Christmas party, we went to Kitt & Fred's for more singing and jacuzzi -- and stayed past 2PM!! David & I were so tired but didn't know how to snatch away our Karaoke equipment from the singers who wanted to sing almost forever. I thought my baby might've been hurt from too much partying b/c I felt a little pain in that region, but I kept partying -- thinking that I might be worrying too much.

Finally at home, I relieved my bladder then went to bed and felt this large wet spot on my panty. I thought I really might have hurt the baby when I started feeling pain hours earlier and that it broke the water, but it wasn't true after reading about late miscarriages/early deliveries -- no pink or brown traces were found.

Finally, I solved the case: right after work and just before getting ready to deejay for the Christmas party, I had a full bladder but didn't relieve it. I continued throughout the night holding this pee in, not realizing how badly I had to go b/c I was so busy having fun. All those many hours, I leaked pee. EeWwEw--how gross!

Hardship

It's hard being married when David and I have conflicting interests -- he likes to be ultra-playful almost all the time and I want to relax and be serious (taking everything he says seriously). However, when I do take him seriously I get hurt badly -- will there ever be a time when he's in the same wavelength as I? If he were then at least we could understand each other better.

We've been having lots of disagreements and arguments just in the past few days. Mostly these problems occur due to misunderstandings. I want his attention :: He ignores me b/c he's fully involved in a good book or video game. I want to listen about his day :: He shuns me away b/c his mind is elsewhere. I want tender affection/cuddling :: he wants to "beat up" my buns and pester me w/ really rough play. I want this :: he wants that. It's like this everyday. What's worse is sometimes I feel pretty low for some reason and need his attention and he shuns me off like an idiot.

I guess the one good thing that's going well is that he loves his new position at SAIC. He actually comes homes so excited to talk about all the people he's met and experiences he's getting and he just started this week of 12/05/05.

I'm kinda sad though b/c we're going through this rough bump in our relationship and I'm thinking negative thoughts about the future -- as if this marriage wouldn't work as I'd prayed for. =( In reality, we're both walking away from God even though we go to church and committed ourselves to be w/ Christian people. In my positive thinking moments, I want to encourage us to go through Christian couple counseling again. Then in my moments of weakness, I just don't care about him and what kind of heartache this might bring to Dave, Me and our baby.

Warm Like An Oven

This afternoon my belly area was warm like an oven. I couldn't figure out what was wrong -- I'm sure nothing was wrong. It's probably that having another person inside of me is raising the body heat.

David

David just told me to write that

he's as giddy as a little girl in the Spring

(about his new job) . . . of course I just think he's a silly weirdo.

Anyways, I'm not sure he feels the baby yet even though I demonstrate how to feel it. One of these days he'll get it. The baby kicks and squirms all the time! I love it! As long as I'm pregnant, I'll never be alone. It's cool waiting for this little person to arrive into our family. It's kinda like having a visitor, who'll stay with us for at least 18-20 years, then leave for adulthood and college.

Grow grow grow little one! . . . and in a few years expect another brother or sister.

David I'll need your help on this one again. hehe -- just kidding. I'll just wait for the stork.

Nausea Again?

I haven't been able to eat well again for the past two nights. I come home and I'm not hungry...nor do I crave anything...nor do I want to have anything down my throat. Am I going through nausea again?

Other than this inability to eat when I think I should, I'm going back to the gym just exercising my excess blubber away. I know that pregnancy is not a time to focus on losing mass, but I do need to continue staying fit. I'm hoping that I could run a half-marathon shortly after the birth. This pregnancy kinda set me behind in this life goal. Last year I ran for 3 hours -- I'm hoping that next time I could make 2.5 or less. I really was unhealthy and massive back then.

Anyways, David started his new job at SAIC today. Yesterday was actually his first day, but orientation took place. So instead his real first day doing actual work was today. I'm still figuring out how we could get past this issue of having different sleep schedules. He wakes up 2.5 hours earlier than I have to get ready for work -- plus he requires only 5 hours of sleep. I could totally use those 2.5 hours since I need 7 hours. I'm going to try to sleep early so that that we could wake up the same time.

But poor David, he has to travel far and long to get to and fro work. It's a little frustrating b/c I have to face him being crabby at home. We're thinking we might move a little south -- maybe Rancho Bernardo. I'm hoping Scripps Ranch or Poway -- at least I'll be closer to my family.

Long Time No See

We've got so much planned this weekend that I'm already exhausted w/ a backache just thinking about it. Today is the big Von's Reopening sale, so David and I will be buying at least $50 worth of groceries -- and we kinda need to stock up. Afterwards, he'll be prepping a little for his new job that starts on Monday. I'm kinda prepping too b/c this is a big change for us. Then in the evening we'll be seeing Christmas at the Prado, Balboa Park -- the best place for families to go. Finally, we'll be pitching it at Nick & Alba's in Chula Vista.

I'm trying to get as much done in the morning today before all these events will occur. Today is going to be a big day. I hope I don't get a headache by tonight. My backache is already a pest.

Big Weekend

We've got so much planned this weekend that I'm already exhausted w/ a backache just thinking about it. Today is the big Von's Reopening sale, so David and I will be buying at least $50 worth of groceries -- and we kinda need to stock up. Afterwards, he'll be prepping a little for his new job that starts on Monday. I'm kinda prepping too b/c this is a big change for us. Then in the evening we'll be seeing Christmas at the Prado, Balboa Park -- the best place for families to go. Finally, we'll be pitching it at Nick & Alba's in Chula Vista.

I'm trying to get as much done in the morning today before all these events will occur. Today is going to be a big day. I hope I don't get a headache by tonight. My backache is already a pest.

Moving!!

Not to a new city! I feel the baby moving . . . lots!

Thanksgiving Week and After

I can't believe I let myself not write for more than a week. I knew I was missing something.

Dave and I have been so busy preparing for our Thanksgiving party -- and it was actually the first time that my relatives came to see the house so we spent extra time making a big impression. It turned out in the end that we didn't have to make an impression at all b/c they didn't go to the places that we've spent much time on (the garage & backyard). Oh well.

It was a great party anyway. About 30 plus people showed up -- this includes children. In our wee little house we fit all these people along w/ the extra chairs and extra tables to set things on. We sang karaoke, watched our wedding video, I hosted the Christmas gift exchange, ate, drank and relaxed. It was so crowded. In order for anyone to get from one place to another (in the same room) one had to tip toe sideways as if we were at some concert event.

I had a headache that day and so wasn't prepared to host, but David did a good job by himself. I felt like a grown up afterwards b/c I finally got to show off my house to my family. This was also the fiirst time that they saw my belly much bigger than before. My little cousin Madison was especially excited b/c I was like a sitter to her. She watched me grow from being a big sister to an almost-mother.

Anyways, during this Thanksgiving weekend I bought a whole bunch of maternity clothes. Thank goodness for Thanksgiving sales (and thank you Alba for introducing it to me!). I'm not a shopper but I really needed hip clothes. The ones I got for church are a little outdated in style. Some good places to shop for maternity-wear are: Old Navy, Motherhood, GabBaby and Ross. My favorites are Old Navy and Ross (b/c they're cheaper). That same day, Dave and I watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I thought the previous movie was much better -- plus the kids are getting older making the movie lose its mystical appeal. Next movie: Chronicles of Narnia!!

WEIGHT: 162 LBS
BELLY-H: 37-1/4"
BELLY-V: 16-3/4"
WAIST: 34-3/4"
BOOBS-H: 36-3/4"
BOOBS-V: 13-1/4"

Breathless w/ Swollen Feet

David and I were out and about the entire day today! In order -- we went to church at Emmanual Faith, had lunch w/ our new friends at Chili's ($30), had an argument over David saying the word "ASS" loudly near kids under 10, checked out the Swap Meet near to our house for about 30 minutes, drove down to North County Fair to buy sunglasses but got sucked into the holiday shopping spirit and spent 3-1/2 hours walking around the mall impulsively buying things we knew we couldn't afford now but needed soon (including maternity clothes, clothes for David, and a Specialty Christmas CD from Brookstone that you couldn't find anywhere else).

Now I'm here typing at home, and have been home for the past 3 hours chatting w/ a good friend (Hi Alba!), preparing & eating dinner, spending more quality time w/ David relaxing & enjoying each other's company.

I'm so breathless, my heart rate is almost as fast as my baby's & my feet are swollen from those 4 hours of walking/standing today! I wonder if I'm unhealthy for having such a rapid heart rate. I haven't been getting much exercise and have been eating much more than 2 servings per meal -- I think.

It Did What?

Okay, I'm going to get really personal here -- and I don' t mind at all being T.M.I. b/c it's my journal anyway. And who knows which anonymous readers will benefit from it?

Alrighty, here goes...

Last night David and I did "the something" for many, many minutes (*a-hem*--*blush*). Immediately afterwards, about 2-3 inches above my pubic bone I felt something inside me kinda swell up the size of a dinner roll. I could also feel it w/ my hand lightly brushing over that area kinda like how I would examine my breast for cancer. That "dinner roll" could be felt from the outside! It was weird. I wonder if that was my baby freaking out and pressing against my skin (away from the action -- hehehe) or if the placenta dropped or something unknown and freaky. Well, I'm fine now and am not worried. I just thought that was really unusual and strange. I read many articles that it's perfectly fine to do "the something" w/ your honey and not harm the baby.

Verge of Change?

David just had an interview today w/ a very prosperous company, SAIC. He'd be working as a technical writer for this company and even if it's far from home, he said that many people traveler farther from where we live to get there. I hope he gets the job b/c it'll pay much better than where he is currently. Plus, it'll look really good on his resume to be a part of this place. With this added income, I could hopefully be able to stay home and watch the baby or work part-time. We'll see.

I smell weird! My area down there gives off an interesting odor -- of Hawaiian Bread. I eat the right foods and shower every day. I wonder what's going on down there?

I'm so glad that my appetite is back again. For a while I wasn't eating enough due to nausea, but now I can seem to eat a lot more food -- but simple food. It seems every morning and evening when I get home I want to eat 3 bowls of cereal, 2 fists full of green grapes, bread and sometimes pork or beef. Right now I'm craving breakfast sausage links and rice. I hope I don't get too, too fat when the baby is out. I also wonder how soon I could train for a half-marathon after birth?

Gasoline

Last night David and I had a rough time sleeping. Late in the afternoon, he poured a little gasoline (that should go into our lawn mower) into an ant hole nestled near to our bedroom window. The hours following that time, fume spread throughout the backyard and into the house -- especially into our bedroom. Even though the window had been closed the entire time, the fumes somehow found a way to get in.

That night, concerned about the health of our baby and ourselves, we slept in the extra bedroom. We didn't sleep well though. We're so used to having our own luxurious space on our Cal. King & very comfy mattress -- and sacrificed that for an ultra-sturdy full size bed which we had to spin in place to get a comfy position. Plus, we were anxious that the fumes might not go away all night and might eventually seep into our supposed safe-haven.

David learned his lesson: safety includes respiratory health, too -- not just preventative cuts/bruises, etc.

Family Fun Fun

It was pretty neat being w/ the family yesterday. My cousin was having a baby shower and I was getting some ideas on how to do my baby's shower. It was the first time for me to see my family after I was pregnant and they were so excited to see me "bulging" at 4 months. An interesting thing is that my cousin's future sister-in-law is 4 months pregnant too and her due date is just days before mine. It'll be really interesting if we had our kids the same day. I was glad that she was as large as I b/c I didn't want to appear too fat as a 4 month-pregnant lady.

But, my gosh, I was so attracted to that barbeque steak-kabob and white rice! I had 3 servings of that stuff...and just thinking about it right now makes me want to eat more of it! I wished I had taken some home. They had so much food there in the beginning of the party, but by night when everyone had a round of food, there was none left. Poor guests. Those who missed out on that barbeque really missed out on something delicious. Around 7 o'clock my cousin had to order 4 boxes of pizza b/c the food was running out.

My grandma was so cute. She was so excited to see me and that I'm pregnant w/ her great-grandchild. Actually, both me and my cousin Janette will be giving her great-grandchildren the same year. Double happiness to grandma Rebing! What was so cute about her was when she told me to stop pinching my blubber b/c she thought I could be pinching her great-grandbaby inside. I missed my family. I love them lots. Grandma Rebing is my only living grandma and she was my primary care taker growing up b/c my mom and dad were busy working. It's great to see here still alive.

Exercise

I went jogging today after work. I felt pretty gross having eaten so many bad foods throughout the week: candy, chocolate, oily fries, extra calories my body doesn't need. I jogged/walked for 2 miles and it felt comfy now that I have a sports bra to push by heavy boobs up against me. There were many times in the weeks prior to today that I tried to jog, but when I did my boobs bounced around. So I had to hold them up w/ my arms while jogging, but wasn't comfortable and felt awkward when neighbor saw me holding this private area. So I got a sports bra for my sensitive-to-gravity boobies.

I wonder what would happen to the baby if I train for a half-marathon? I had a really great time preparing for the America's Finest City 1/2 Marathon in August 2003. I was so proud to get a medal for making it before the 3 hour cut-off. If I got a high running, maybe my baby might also especially w/ all that extra oxygen -- but the books say to not jog for longer than 2 miles. Why?

Kicks For Kicks

I could feel the baby's movement now. My doctor said that it might be a little early to tell but I told her that I could feel something like muscle spasms or twitches in that region below my naval. She was startled and said that usually first time mommies don't feel anything yet b/c they pass up these movements as though they were hunger pangs, a bubble bursting, or what I thought I felt -- muscle spasms/twitches. It's so cool! I hope that David would be able to catch our baby kicking when I feel him/her. Usually David falls flat on the floor, pretending that the baby kicked so hard through my skin. Funny guy. I've actually have been feeling these movements for at least two weeks but haven't recorded it yet.

Other things I've noticed for a while that I haven't recorded was a dark line forming down the middle of my abdomen. I was so excited to even see a line back when I noticed it. I think they call it "Linea Negra" -- black line. Sometimes I like being pregnant. Other times its a little rough and tough. The rougher part of being pregnant is feeling like a second class citizen in the workplace b/c I want to do so much more for the company but they want to keep me from having too many responsibilities -- as if they don't trust me =(. I hope I'll stil have a work life when the baby is born.

Thoughts

Today seemed like an ordinary day of routine. I think I'm getting used to this temporary lifestyle of a pregnant mama. Wake up next to husband (ahh) -- cook something small for breakfast -- get ready for work -- beat street traffic to get to work -- work -- pee -- work -- hydrate -- snack on cereal -- work -- lunch -- pee -- avoid comatose after lunch -- pee -- work -- bear tension headache -- work -- go home. Even though routine can be boring, I at least have fulfillment w/ my job. I love the people I work with and am unsure of how things will go after I give our baby birth. Will I return? Will I work part-time? Will my company hire a babysitter for me and 2 new mamas of the company?

So many decisions and I want to do what's best for me and my new family. I rather stay home and take care of our baby than to work work work.

I missed out having a relationship w/ my parents growing up b/c they both had to work to support the family. I was left w/ caretakers. We were so poor at the start. Now I conciously have to force myself to love my parents b/c they are my parents. It's hard to build a foundation of affection when there was little to begin w/. The more powerful memories I had as a child were negative from unfair discipline -- or discipline w/o a cause which can easily be mistaken for abuse in our society's now-PC world. Sometimes I feel adopted...and I don't want my kids to turn out emotionally neglected like me. I need to be home most of the time so they could have a mom. Well -- enough of this bitter soapbox.

Yesterday, we heard the baby's heartbeat again, but this time it was slightly slower than the first time we heard it from the doptone. Maybe as the baby gets larger, the heart is supposed to beat slower. That was a fun day. I also was excused from paying that large bill, which was accidentally sent to me instead of the insurance company -- phew!! I also got a whole bunch of shots in one arm: flu shot, tb shot, and blood drawn for amniocentisis (sp?). Right now my left arm is sore from one of those needles. She said that word again: "terminate". Even if the test says my baby has problems I can't trust it b/c it's 85% accurate -- not 99% or higher. I'm already attached to his/her heartbeat. God wants my baby to live.

WEIGHT: 156 LBS
BELLY-H: 36-3/4"
BELLY-V: 14-1/2"
WAIST: 33-1/4"
BOOBS-H: 36-3/4"
BOOBS-V: 13"

Headache Again?

Okay, so in a previous journal entry I mentioned that a little exercise would do the trick in taking care of a tension headache. But what if I was at work and I don't have that kind of time to exercise during my break or lunch? I have to eat during that time and make sure that my blood sugar does drop or else I'll vomit. I learned that pattern the hard way -- don't eat, then body vomits.

Today was a rough day at work. I had a headache from the morning until I took Tylenol. I knew it was safe to take Tylenol, but some of my coworkers were concerned that I might harm the baby taking the Extra-Strength type. So just to ease my worries and theirs, I called the clinic to see if it would be alright to take even the Extra-Strength kind, and I already knew the answer but just wanted to hear it from the clinic themselves -- it's okay.

So there.

Headache eased -- work accomplished -- and off to the doctor I go tomorrow. My appointment is at 11:30am but I need to be there at 11:10. I'm a little excited and then again upset that they sent me a huge bill for the initial lab tests I've taken for blood type, HIV, cervix tests, etc. Now why did they send it to my home?

Acid Reflux/Heartburn??

Today was a particularly strange day for my body. Around 7AM I had a good size breakfast. 1 hour later at work I had a feeling of hunger, but am not really sure. So I went to the closest food place and got me a medium-size salad and finished most of it. Then 3 hours afterward I was feeling hungry again. By the end of the day, I could feel my body feeling icky from all the stuff I was feeding myself:

2 pcs of candy (I gave in to the Post-Halloween trick-o-eating fest in the office)
2 pcs of chocolate (my supervisor gave us w/ chocolate covered macadamia nuts)
1/2 serving of chocolate cake (today was Fred's 56th birthday)
2 servings of bread w/ my minestrone soup & plain salad (for Fred's b-day)
3-5 Rold's Gold Pretzel sticks
After work, I mentioned this strange symptom to my coworker who guessed that I might have heartburn or Acid Reflux -- and I think she's right. When I arrived home, I chewed 2 tablets of Tums and that burning feeling lingering in my chest area that I could be mistaking for hunger might actually be heartburn. Hmmmm.

Interesting.

Yum Yum

I'm starting to get my appetite back again, kinda. I'm able to eat more foods that before and I don't feel like I have to vomit as much. Except for this morning b/c I had little to eat for breakfast and I wasn't able to eat for until 3 hours later b/c I had a long meeting to attend. It was pretty annoying. I was trying to concentrate in this important meeting and all I could think about was the nearest exit to vomit. The tougher trouble I had was that I work in a building area where a key is required to get into the bathrooms. So for me to vomit at my convenience was a fantasy. I'd have to find a key, wait for someone to get out of the bathroom or go to the bathroom downstairs or run to the nearest planter which is across the street next to a busy intersection. My work is not suitable for pregnant women. I also mentioned a few days ago that my office is right above this restaurant that cooks really smelly foods -- mainly gross smelling polish sausages and saurkraut. I used to love those foods before I got pregnant but I am so sick of it now.

Oh well.

WEIGHT: 153 LBS
BELLY-H: 36-1/2"
BELLY-V: 12-3/4"
WAIST: 32"
BOOBS-H: 37"
BOOBS-V: 13-1/4"

Clothes!!

I'm starting to not fit into my jeans and dresses now so I went to Emmanuel Faith who have the best missions groups ever in San Diego! They have something called the clothing ministry for expectant mothers where they donated to me used maternity clothes just my size. I grabbed what I could find in the short 15 minutes I had since the room was soon to close. The cooler thing is that these clothes I chose were not old fashioned and large. They were form fitting and pretty. I made sure to get matching sets (tops w/ bottoms). This church is so cool! They said I could just return them after the baby is born. Now I could really expand.

I'm glad I got these clothes now. I was getting to a point where I had to unzip my pants and wear a belt to hold them up and wear a long shirt to hide my belly which could have been exposed through the zipper. How embarrasing! It actually happened recently where people could see my underwear and belly b/c I lifted up my arms to fix my hair. David gave me that look of "okay, you're becoming a little risque right now" -- when actually I just wanted to be comfortable.

I think I'm going back to the church to get more. I just got one weeks worth of clothing until I'll have to reuse them again.

Isn't He Lovely

I love it when my husband rubs my belly and talks to my baby! He's so cute. I could really tell that he's wanting this baby now despite our pobre financial situation. It was also very adorable watching him carry another friend's baby. I could tell that he's going to be a great daddy. If David is this loving to me, most definitely will he be this loving to our son or daughter. I just hope that they get his jokes faster than it took me (about 2 years hehe).

I love my husband.

Fat or Baby Fat?

I've been getting bigger. However, I couldn't tell if it's my uterus protruding out my pelvic region or if it's fat. I have been choosing to eat fatty foods like pizza and burritos and anything meaty and fat. My belly region is pinchable and globby. I think it is fat.

Today, my company had a company photo. I was hoping that I'll be on the front row so I could show off my pregnant (or maybe fat) belly so that it could make history. I'm so proud of this pregnancy. The photographer had all the short people stand on a ledge to be higher than everyone else -- so my body was actually hidden. Anyways, I like my company.

A Cure For Headaches

I didn't think it would work but it did. Exercise during a headache (if it's not so severe as a migraine). I don't think I've ever had a migraine, anyway. Cardiovascular exercise, such as walking, eliptical, that precor machine, stairmaster, or anything that increases the bloodflow to through the body, is best. All day today, I've had a bad headache that lasted from morning until after dinner. Now it's gone!! Ta-Da!

WEIGHT: 153 LBS
BELLY-H: 35-3/4"
BELLY-V: 12-1/4"
WAIST: 32"
BOOBS-H: 37"
BOOBS-V: 13-1/4"

Oxygen

I'm just wondering. . .I tend to not breathe as much when I get intensely engrossed in a video game or a tight work deadline -- will my baby get affected w/ this lack of oxygen?

I need to work out more. I learned that exercise is good for the baby b/c it moves the oxygen carrying blood through my system quickly thus giving the baby a boost of endorphins. Something like that.

Rough Times

Even though I'm 13 weeks as I write this journal, the time is actually getting closer to a major life change. In our minds it doesn't seem like a change -- that all the things and events to-be are just spun up in our minds -- as if everything will go well. The real challenge is doing what's right when the baby actually arrives.

Sometimes I feel like we've gotten ourselves into a big mess so soon. But then I have to realize that this is God's child and I must trust and obey in Jesus. It's so humbling to have a child and having to trust in God

I'm rambling.

I Love My Husband!

And I love being married! It's a blessing to be married -- waking up next to my comical husband and having romantic fun in the weekends from morning until responsibilities aren't fun anymore.

Anyways, we're going to have a big day today. My auntie from Fontana is having a grand opening for her new Filipino restaurant. It also happens to be that my mom's auntie died this week and her wake is in the area at evening. Poor grand-auntie =( She's lived a hard life and I'm sure she's in much better hands now. Also, while up in the area we'll be visiting my own & only living grandma after she's gotten out of the hospital. She'll be very pleased to see me w/ her new little great-grandchild churning in my belly. I hope our visit will give her sweet dreams tonight and for the rest of life. She's been depressed lately. I love my grandma. She raised me from birth to age 6 while my parents had to work to hold our house together.

And before this big, long adventure will happen I'm scrubbing the shower tub. It's so gross. We've neglected our house from deep cleaning for a long time and I'm already feeling better having it started. It's kinda soaking now as I write.

David got a new smell and I love it -- because I picked it. Silly man! He put Hugo Energize on his hair -- and it turns out that I like the effect even better b/c I get to smell this scent when I cuddle w/ him in the morning. This stuff lasts for a long time! He last put it on yesterday morning and it's still lasting to the next morning. I wish someone would invent Hugo Energize fabric softener w/ static cling or something. I love stuffing those sheets around my office to get that clean fresh scent. The girls don't notice what smells good when they pass by my cubicle.

Ahhh =)

Things have gotten better -- as far as my mood goes. It's so annoying. Some days I'm feeling in-love. Some days I'm feeling grumpy. Some days I feel like I can't stand the volume of David's music being higher than the decibals of a whisper. Some days I feel like I could tackle another few rough days. My moods are constantly changing. That's women and I'm glad I'm not the only one in the world going through roller coaster emotions.

Anyways, one of the reasons I could be feeling good about myself are the constant praises I get for surprising my supervisor with how much I know on certain softwares. It makes him proud that he hired the perfect person to handle this position -- MEEE! I've not felt this great about working before. I went to school to study Interactive Media, but it turns out that Iike doing what I'm paid to do at MasterManuals more than what I studied for. I tried freelancing -- but quickly learned that I do best working w/ other individuals. I tried looking for a job strictly in Interactive Media, but I always shyed away from climbing to the top for some reason. I'm perfectly happy w/ this job b/c I'm pleased w/ my title as "Production Coordinator" and the love the people I work with.

But why the down days? Only God knows. He's my creator -- and the only answer I got was "Figure it out yourself -- the answer is right in front of you". So what do I figure? I need other women to support me -- and I can't rely on myself all the time. Wow...I've grown much! I've just realized I had too much pride to rely on others for help.

Contemplation. . .

I think I really should consider seeing a counselor. My symptoms are getting worse every week. I've become more irritable, cranky and worst of all -- angry. It's so easy to lose it! And it's hard to live w/ these symptoms especially that I just got married 4 months ago; I just past the 3-month-mark of pregnancy; and I've barely settled into this new job I started 1 month ago. These are perfect conditions for the onset of stress, anxiety, anger and depression.

What makes me sadder is that everytime I get angry or upset I could feel my baby squirming around as if its unhappy living in my belly. Poor thing! I get even sadder thinking that I'm not providing good beginnings for this little child -- and it's not even born. How is one to deal w/ all this?

Now what's the appropriate way to go: a marriage & family therapist, psychiatrist, psychologist -- or more importantly, GOD?

An upsetting situation is that I've already asked for help from God - BUT WHERE ARE YOU!?

Losing It!

I think I need psych help. I've been feeling really depressed/anxious lately.

Dancing Queen

We need to go dancing more often! Last night David and I had a fun time hanging out w/ my parents at Dance-O-Rama. It's not the first time we've danced w/ them but it was the funnest time. We were dancing the cha-cha, pretending to know the bolero, stepping on each other's toes during the tango, and imitating a whole bunch of almost-professional ballroom dancers.

I'm sure my baby was enjoying all that extra oxygen. I was breathing like dog, but was never out of breathe. I learned that excercise is great for the baby as long as it's not too athletic -- and I don't know what "athletic" means. I consider myself a new "athlete" b/c I enjoy doing outdoorsy sports and going to adventerous getaways -- which reminds me of how much fun I had kayaking w/ my sweetie on my birthday! That was a very romantic gesture of him. I'd do it again even if I was a big pregnant mama!!

Sheesh!! I just realized we're spending too much time in the house! We need to get out more often!

Dancing Queen

We need to go dancing more often! Last night David and I had a fun time hanging out w/ my parents at Dance-O-Rama. It's not the first time we've danced w/ them but it was the funnest time. We were dancing the cha-cha, pretending to know the bolero, stepping on each other's toes during the tango, and imitating a whole bunch of almost-professional ballroom dancers.

I'm sure my baby was enjoying all that extra oxygen. I was breathing like dog, but was never out of breathe. I learned that excercise is great for the baby as long as it's not too athletic -- and I don't know what "athletic" means. I consider myself a new "athlete" b/c I enjoy doing outdoorsy sports and going to adventerous getaways -- which reminds me of how much fun I had kayaking w/ my sweetie on my birthday! That was a very romantic gesture of him. I'd do it again even if I was a big pregnant mama!!

Sheesh!! I just realized we're spending too much time in the house! We need to get out more often!

Ginger-Ale! Ahhhh!

I discovered an appropriate drink for pregnancy -- GINGER-ALE!

It's non-caffienated, it takes care of nasea and of course it tastes good!

ahhhhhh!

First time to hear a heartbeat!

Whoo-wuw-oo-wuw-oo-wuw-oo-wuw-oo-wuw-oo

That's how our baby's heartbeat sounded like at our second visit with our midwife. I thought I would be emotional and teary this day but instead I was just glad w/ a smile b/c we were having insurance problems at the front desk . . . plus I was running late for the appointment due to traffic. Argh! On top of that, the midwife introduced a shadow doctor who was learning about midwifery practices and he'll be staying w/ us for the rest of my term. So , since this appointment turned out to be rushed along with a clinical visitor and insurance hassles, I didn't really pay dear attention to my baby.

But that heartbeat. . .how exciting!

I was sad, however, that our prenatal caregiver mentioned of another test to determine if there might be a serious defect w/ the baby resulting in termination. I'm not sure if I want that kind of murderous heartbreak even if the baby does have a defect. It's a life David and I created. I think it's too late for a miscarriage now - a forced miscarriage in this case. I'm already attached to my baby's life - hearing his or her heartbeat. Who besides God has the responsibility to terminate a baby's life?

WEIGHT: 152 LBS
BELLY: 36-1/2"
WAIST: 32"
BOOBS-H: 36-3/4"
BOOBS-V: 13-3/4"

Now Everyone Knows!

I have a coworker at my new job who shares the same name as I -- "Tracy". It's so awkward! I've never had a problem my entire life of having someone w/ the same name as I. Now I know what David goes through when someone yells across the room for "Dave". Almost everyone is named Dave. . .and it's a nice name by the way.

Anyways, Tracy comes into the office w/ a hysterical laugh. She says outloud to another coworker, "The Vice President just congratulated me on my pregnancy! How can that be?! I already have 3 kids and I don't want anymore! Who's been spreading lies that I'm pregnant?!"

I giggled inside b/c I knew that this turned out to be a great misunderstanding, but I kept listening. I watched the entire office stop their work to listen to her venting. After a few minutes, I admitted "it's me. . .I'm the one who's pregnant".

Then the rest of the day, I got many congrats and people looking at my belly. It's finally a relief to let that out in the open. I just didn't know when or how to say it to everyone. Perfect timing! -- I suppose.



Anyways, last night we met the greatest group of people that I've ever needed especially during this critical time of our relationship. We were invited to attend a function after church to meet w/ other Christian Young Married couples. These people were so beautiful inside and out. Of coursed I loved hanging out w/ the women b/c we huddled around the kitchen nook and shared our experiences as young married wives. I was the youngest wife amongst veterans who've been married 2 or more years. Being around them made marriage seem wonderful. I'm so glad that I'm not the only one dealing w/ conflict -- and I heard more conflict could occur w/ the arrival of our baby. One of the girls last night said the dearest words to me: "You are going to be a very beautiful pregnant woman!" Ahhhh =) -- just when I thought I was looking very different from them, she comes to greet me w/ special medicine to my ears & figure.

Vomit! Yuk!

Okay...I gave in...I vomited for the first time (two days ago). I tend to let myself get a little hungry before I eat. But I figured out one thing that helps tame my minor hunger pangs -- Chocolate & Vanilla Ice Cream!!



WEIGHT: 153 LBS
BELLY: 36-1/2"
WAIST: 32"
BOOBS-H: 36-1/4"
BOOBS-V: 14"

My First Prenatal Checkup & The ER

Finally, the date has come! My first prenatal check up was pretty cool. The nurse-practitioner answered a whole lot of questions that I've been wondering -- especially questoins about our baby. It turns out that all the worries I had about the development of my baby have been myths. She told me to stop readin g this book and will suggest that I read another list of materials that she will list.

So I got a papsmear, urine-analysis, blood tests, breast exam and all the volatiles. The most exciting part of the exam was listening for the baby's heart beat -- but unfortunately it was too early to detect the heart beat especially that I have a tilted uterus. So in two weeks, I'll be back w/ for another check up! Yay!

Last night was so scary! I thought that something went wrong with the pregnancy. I was urinating blood -- like the color of any dark-red Kool-Aid! It actually started on Saturday midnight. I peed almost every 30 minutes w/ little traces of blood and tissue and this continued on to Sunday -- so my weekend rest was very short. Since I had a prenatal appointment Tuesday, I tried to wait it off. However, by Monday I had the urge to pee every 15 minutes and sometimes I'd hold it in for an hour to get some work done. Then by Monday evening, things got worse. I started to pee every 1-3 minutes and the quantity of blood was increasing. It seemed the ratio was 1/3 blood w/pea-size tissue and 2/3 pee. So I rushed myself to the emergency room. By the time I was checked in, I was peeing 1/2 blood w/baby carrot-sized tissue and 1/2 pee. It was almost as dark as the blood getting drawn into test tubes. I was so scared -- but felt comforted that I was at least in the care of ER physicians and my husband.

It turned out to be a urinary tract infection gone volatile. They prescribed me an antibiotic Keflex and a pill to ease the burning Pyridium. I also was told I had a hint of a yeast infection. Sheesh! All these things happening at once -- how cr8zy!!

WEIGHT: 153 LBS
BELLY: 36-3/4"
WAIST: 32-1/2"
BOOBS-H: 37"
BOOBS-V: 14-1/2"

Cranky!

Poor David. He's suffering my wrath! I've been acting out childishly lately to him...he just gets on my nerves all the time with his loud music and loud voice. I seem to not tolerate him anymore. I hope it's because of the pregnancy that I feel this way.

WEIGHT: 151 LBS
BELLY: 36-3/4"
WAIST: 32-1/2"
BOOBS: 37"

Hunger

I'm not sure if I'm eating too much or not eating enough. I always feel hungry every 3 hours or so. I probably am not eating enough calories to last me 3 hours. Oh Well...to the Gym I go!

WEIGHT: 151 LBS

Picture Diary, Prenatal Vitamins, New Job

I started creating a month by month personal picture diary of my tummy's growth. I wouldn't display it here b/c I'm naked in these pictures. hehe

I haven't noticed any physical changes to my body except that my breasts feel tender. I have to keep reminding David to not hug me tightly. Sometimes I have to create a barrier between him and I using my arms when he wants to rest on me. I'm excited to actually feel pregnant.

I only gained a pound or two. The scale in the gym is so unpredictable. One day I weighed myself before working out: 153 lbs. Then after an hour of working out I weighed myself again: 150.5 lbs. Both times I wore the same outfit. Either I've worked my butt off (which I actually didn't because I didn't even sweat much) or the scale is wrong. I chose the later answer. There's no healthy way anyone could lose 3 pounds in one hour. If it were clinically healthy, then I think I found the answer to a quick weight loss plan for the entire fat world!

I bought prenatal vitamins today. My friend who is planning on getting pregnant introduced them to me. I didn't know that they could be bought over the counter. Of course this kind of prenatal vitamins aren't as strong as the ones that the doctor will prescribe to me. My appointment is in a week from this Friday. I still wonder why they set my appointment that far and I'll be almost done with my first trimester by then. It's kinda upsetting. I must have really pissed off the receptionist lady when I said her name wrong. I didn't mean to say it the way I did. It's one of those unfamiliar names and I tried my best. She corrected me with an upset tone of voice too! I hope me massacering her name isn't the reason for setting up an appointment during my 8-10 week pregnancy period. That would mean she has an unforgiving heart b/c I'm sure it's happened so many times before that this resentment to her name built up over time. Okay Okay....that's enough dwelling on the negative for me. I can get compulsive sometimes.

14 more days and I'll be working at my new job. I'm not nervous or worried. I'm just a little bummed that they titled my position: administrative assistant. I was told that I'll be doing things in Photoshop, Pagemaker, FrameMaker and many others programs. But why'd they call me an administrative assistant? Oh well. As long as I do a good job then I'm fine. I love working.

God please help me find a nanny or a trustworthy caretaker to care for my baby while my husband and I are away at work.

WEIGHT: 151 LBS

Telling More

At Missy and Nelson's wedding in Captain Kidd's, we finally told our friends from church that we are pregnant. I miss those guys so much. It's been a while since I've seen them. I sorta lost connection w/ these church friends. That's probably I felt kinda embarrassed telling them the news...because they were almost strangers. I guess I've become apprehensive around them. Anyways, they were all excited for me, which was an opposite reaction from what I've been expecting. Each of them congratulated me. Yay! I wish we could reconnect w/ these old friends. I also want to start connecting w/ new friends at the new church we're going to.

WEIGHT: 150 LBS

Security

This might be a little too early to worry...but who is going to take care of the baby when we're both working?

Hormones

So if I were depressed or sad sporadically throughout the week, my baby will feel depressed or sad too, right? I'm concerned. I've been feeling a little defeated by circumstances at work. I hope this doesn't affect my baby.

WEIGHT: 150 LBS

Noticable Fatigue

I was so tired last night. I slept on David's shoulder on the way home from my mom's birthday party. His shoulder was kinda sharp and usually uncomfortable, but I didn't care. I was so tired! I've never been this tired and I wonder if it's going to get worse.

The next day, which was today, I was tired and crabby at work. Today was the first day that I trained my replacement at work. I'm leaving for a company closer to my house and one that pays a little higher. Training her wasn't the problem because I knew exactly what I had to teach. I just had a challenging time keeping myself from snapping at people. I work at a place where everyone loves to bug me because they love me so much. Seriously. They like my wittiness and responses to their cute humor. But it's getting a little challenging being comfortable and witty around them these days. I just feel like being alone all the time. Pregnancy is not fun and I hope this moodiness really does settle down in the next few weeks.

I almost missed my bus stop on the way home today. I fell asleep again. The sun beat on my face -- and if that protective tint wasn't there my face would've been burnt. Anyway, I didn't care if the sun made my face hot those 45 minutes. I slept slept slept. Wow. I'm tired.

WEIGHT: 150 LBS

Fatigue

Now, where in the world will I ever get the time to rest while at work in an environment where people barge in every 10 minutes to bother either me or my team mates?! It's awfully challenging to have peace and quiet. . .and my hormones are making me very irritable. Sheesh. I just learned yesterday that PMS is at its worst when my progesterone levels rise. And now that I'm pregnant with progesterone accompanying me throughout my whole pregnancy, I'll be bitchy for 9 months.

I hope David could take this. he he *gulp*!

WEIGHT: 150 LBS

Start Spreading The News

Yesterday, Friday, August 26, we finally told my parents the good news. I was a little nervous to tell my mom b/c I wasn't sure if she'd accept the new title as "grandma" since she mentioned that she wasn't ready even before I got pregnant last month. She actually took it very well yesterday -- she and my dad. They are very both excited! I'm glad.

In telling them, I was trying to set the scene very subtley. My mom was more approachable because she stays in one place for a long time doing something, which is good timing for conversation. My dad tends to walk around the house with business in his mind. Plus, it was a challenge to let them know at this time because they were getting ready to set up for the big birthday celebrations for all the August dancers of Dance-O-Rama -- my mom is included in the celebration.

Anyways, I started asking my mom questions about how changing jobs might affect my health insurance coverage since I am switching to a new and better job closer to home in a few weeks. I gave hints that I've narrowed my search down to 2 "specialist" doctors and even read a little about them - not mentioning that they were obstetricians. I was trying to fish out of her a question about what kind of doctor are they because I never go to the doctor for anything unless something is really wrong. I'm very healthy.

Finally, after 10-15 minutes beating around the bush, I asked her: "Are you curious about what doctor I'm going to?". She thought a gynocologyst. I said "obstetrician". She didn't know what that was. . .I had to describe. "It's a doctor for checking up on pregnancy. I am 5 weeks pregnant!" "You mean you didn't get your period?" Then my dad walked in with a towel over his waist -- he just took a shower and smelt clean and fresh -- and asked "what's going on?" "Ask mom," but my mom answered to me "that's good!" with excitement in her voice. Dad asked, "What's good? What happened?" "Dad, I'm 5 weeks pregnant."

From that point on my mom and dad proudfully continued getting ready for the big party at Dance-O-Rama, You could hear their excitement as they got ready, especially my mom. She continually cried out "that's good!" My dad teased that now they are grandparents, my mom will buy us a big van with carseats and a whole bunch of furniture for the house, and so on.

I planned well in telling them before they went to Dance-O-Rama because today was the last Friday of the month when the hall is filled up 80% with more dancers for the end-of-the-month birthday celebrations. All my mom's dancer friends should be there. I wanted to see how quickly the news spread from opening to the end of the night -- and as it turned out, every family friend we knew congratulated us by the end of the night with a hug and kiss. This is the first time I saw my mom so excited to introduce my husband to friends he never met. This is so thrilling!

Next batch to find out -- the aunties! I want to see how fast the news will spread when my mom sees them tomorrow at another party gig. I'm just going to step behind and watch the aura of enjoyment rise up in everyone without telling another family soul!

WEIGHT: 150 LBS

Breast Changes and Stress

Well, I woke up this morning -- actually 4 am -- from my breasts starting to tingle. I've never had a feeling like this ever in my life so it startled me. It also kinda hurt when I rested on it. I'm a size B, but when the weight of my breast falls to one side from shifting onto my side - it hurt. I think I'm getting a little uncomfortable with pregnancy! =(

I'm also going under a slight hint of stress/anxiety because I just got hired into a company that is much closer to home. I found out I was pregnant after an interview was set with them. I hope this will work out. I really like this company and I hope they don't discriminate me for being pregnant. Nervous.

WEIGHT: 150 LBS

Telling

Well, the girls and a few guys at work know that I'm pregnant. I told them not to tell anyone else...I still kinda want to keep the pregnancy a surprise to our parents until after I see the doctor. I'm excited to surprise them.

Since word of mouth leaks fast in our family, I'm wondering how fast the news of this pregnancy will spread. I'm going to tell my parents first and wait to see when she'll tell the next important people in my life -- my aunties! Wow!

They are so waiting for this baby to arrive. I want to enjoy their reactions when they find out.

Gosh.

Little baby dear...keep growing. I want to introduce you to your family.

WEIGHT: 150 LBS

Restless Night # 1

I couldn't sleep last night. I tossed and turned, rubbing my belly. I wonder if my baby could feel my hand brushing up against him/her.

Poor David, I kept him up all night too while I tossed and turned. Our bed was big enough for the two of us but my constant rustling of the sheets kept him concious all night with me.

Am I supposed to be cramping all the time? What's going on in there?

I hope you're okay.

WEIGHT: 150 LBS

Headache

Do headaches have to come on so frequently? My head troubles me. I've eaten enough. Maybe I haven't drank enough water. ~ 9:45pm

WEIGHT: 150 LBS

Surprises

I haven't told my baby's grandparents yet that my baby is arriving. I want to surprise them!

It's such a great relief that my girlfriends have recently delivered so that I could learn from them what to expect. Their confidence in their new motherhood eases my worries.

Let's see how mom and dad will react to the pregnancy. I'm excited.

WEIGHT: 150 LBS

Just Found Out!

Wow! Just last night David and I found out that we're pregnant! David was in tears and I just had a smirk in my face because I knew this day would finally happen.

Even though this is a wonderful experience, it is also quite terrifying! This means that our lives will be changed from this point on...nothing is going to slow it down. I'm not sure if I'm mentally prepared for all these changes to occur -- I guess I'm also feeling a little bit afraid.

I'm sure things will go well. We need to put this in God's hands.

WEIGHT: 150 LBS