Clothes!!

I'm starting to not fit into my jeans and dresses now so I went to Emmanuel Faith who have the best missions groups ever in San Diego! They have something called the clothing ministry for expectant mothers where they donated to me used maternity clothes just my size. I grabbed what I could find in the short 15 minutes I had since the room was soon to close. The cooler thing is that these clothes I chose were not old fashioned and large. They were form fitting and pretty. I made sure to get matching sets (tops w/ bottoms). This church is so cool! They said I could just return them after the baby is born. Now I could really expand.

I'm glad I got these clothes now. I was getting to a point where I had to unzip my pants and wear a belt to hold them up and wear a long shirt to hide my belly which could have been exposed through the zipper. How embarrasing! It actually happened recently where people could see my underwear and belly b/c I lifted up my arms to fix my hair. David gave me that look of "okay, you're becoming a little risque right now" -- when actually I just wanted to be comfortable.

I think I'm going back to the church to get more. I just got one weeks worth of clothing until I'll have to reuse them again.

Isn't He Lovely

I love it when my husband rubs my belly and talks to my baby! He's so cute. I could really tell that he's wanting this baby now despite our pobre financial situation. It was also very adorable watching him carry another friend's baby. I could tell that he's going to be a great daddy. If David is this loving to me, most definitely will he be this loving to our son or daughter. I just hope that they get his jokes faster than it took me (about 2 years hehe).

I love my husband.

Fat or Baby Fat?

I've been getting bigger. However, I couldn't tell if it's my uterus protruding out my pelvic region or if it's fat. I have been choosing to eat fatty foods like pizza and burritos and anything meaty and fat. My belly region is pinchable and globby. I think it is fat.

Today, my company had a company photo. I was hoping that I'll be on the front row so I could show off my pregnant (or maybe fat) belly so that it could make history. I'm so proud of this pregnancy. The photographer had all the short people stand on a ledge to be higher than everyone else -- so my body was actually hidden. Anyways, I like my company.

A Cure For Headaches

I didn't think it would work but it did. Exercise during a headache (if it's not so severe as a migraine). I don't think I've ever had a migraine, anyway. Cardiovascular exercise, such as walking, eliptical, that precor machine, stairmaster, or anything that increases the bloodflow to through the body, is best. All day today, I've had a bad headache that lasted from morning until after dinner. Now it's gone!! Ta-Da!

WEIGHT: 153 LBS
BELLY-H: 35-3/4"
BELLY-V: 12-1/4"
WAIST: 32"
BOOBS-H: 37"
BOOBS-V: 13-1/4"

Oxygen

I'm just wondering. . .I tend to not breathe as much when I get intensely engrossed in a video game or a tight work deadline -- will my baby get affected w/ this lack of oxygen?

I need to work out more. I learned that exercise is good for the baby b/c it moves the oxygen carrying blood through my system quickly thus giving the baby a boost of endorphins. Something like that.

Rough Times

Even though I'm 13 weeks as I write this journal, the time is actually getting closer to a major life change. In our minds it doesn't seem like a change -- that all the things and events to-be are just spun up in our minds -- as if everything will go well. The real challenge is doing what's right when the baby actually arrives.

Sometimes I feel like we've gotten ourselves into a big mess so soon. But then I have to realize that this is God's child and I must trust and obey in Jesus. It's so humbling to have a child and having to trust in God

I'm rambling.

I Love My Husband!

And I love being married! It's a blessing to be married -- waking up next to my comical husband and having romantic fun in the weekends from morning until responsibilities aren't fun anymore.

Anyways, we're going to have a big day today. My auntie from Fontana is having a grand opening for her new Filipino restaurant. It also happens to be that my mom's auntie died this week and her wake is in the area at evening. Poor grand-auntie =( She's lived a hard life and I'm sure she's in much better hands now. Also, while up in the area we'll be visiting my own & only living grandma after she's gotten out of the hospital. She'll be very pleased to see me w/ her new little great-grandchild churning in my belly. I hope our visit will give her sweet dreams tonight and for the rest of life. She's been depressed lately. I love my grandma. She raised me from birth to age 6 while my parents had to work to hold our house together.

And before this big, long adventure will happen I'm scrubbing the shower tub. It's so gross. We've neglected our house from deep cleaning for a long time and I'm already feeling better having it started. It's kinda soaking now as I write.

David got a new smell and I love it -- because I picked it. Silly man! He put Hugo Energize on his hair -- and it turns out that I like the effect even better b/c I get to smell this scent when I cuddle w/ him in the morning. This stuff lasts for a long time! He last put it on yesterday morning and it's still lasting to the next morning. I wish someone would invent Hugo Energize fabric softener w/ static cling or something. I love stuffing those sheets around my office to get that clean fresh scent. The girls don't notice what smells good when they pass by my cubicle.

Ahhh =)

Things have gotten better -- as far as my mood goes. It's so annoying. Some days I'm feeling in-love. Some days I'm feeling grumpy. Some days I feel like I can't stand the volume of David's music being higher than the decibals of a whisper. Some days I feel like I could tackle another few rough days. My moods are constantly changing. That's women and I'm glad I'm not the only one in the world going through roller coaster emotions.

Anyways, one of the reasons I could be feeling good about myself are the constant praises I get for surprising my supervisor with how much I know on certain softwares. It makes him proud that he hired the perfect person to handle this position -- MEEE! I've not felt this great about working before. I went to school to study Interactive Media, but it turns out that Iike doing what I'm paid to do at MasterManuals more than what I studied for. I tried freelancing -- but quickly learned that I do best working w/ other individuals. I tried looking for a job strictly in Interactive Media, but I always shyed away from climbing to the top for some reason. I'm perfectly happy w/ this job b/c I'm pleased w/ my title as "Production Coordinator" and the love the people I work with.

But why the down days? Only God knows. He's my creator -- and the only answer I got was "Figure it out yourself -- the answer is right in front of you". So what do I figure? I need other women to support me -- and I can't rely on myself all the time. Wow...I've grown much! I've just realized I had too much pride to rely on others for help.

Contemplation. . .

I think I really should consider seeing a counselor. My symptoms are getting worse every week. I've become more irritable, cranky and worst of all -- angry. It's so easy to lose it! And it's hard to live w/ these symptoms especially that I just got married 4 months ago; I just past the 3-month-mark of pregnancy; and I've barely settled into this new job I started 1 month ago. These are perfect conditions for the onset of stress, anxiety, anger and depression.

What makes me sadder is that everytime I get angry or upset I could feel my baby squirming around as if its unhappy living in my belly. Poor thing! I get even sadder thinking that I'm not providing good beginnings for this little child -- and it's not even born. How is one to deal w/ all this?

Now what's the appropriate way to go: a marriage & family therapist, psychiatrist, psychologist -- or more importantly, GOD?

An upsetting situation is that I've already asked for help from God - BUT WHERE ARE YOU!?

Losing It!

I think I need psych help. I've been feeling really depressed/anxious lately.

Dancing Queen

We need to go dancing more often! Last night David and I had a fun time hanging out w/ my parents at Dance-O-Rama. It's not the first time we've danced w/ them but it was the funnest time. We were dancing the cha-cha, pretending to know the bolero, stepping on each other's toes during the tango, and imitating a whole bunch of almost-professional ballroom dancers.

I'm sure my baby was enjoying all that extra oxygen. I was breathing like dog, but was never out of breathe. I learned that excercise is great for the baby as long as it's not too athletic -- and I don't know what "athletic" means. I consider myself a new "athlete" b/c I enjoy doing outdoorsy sports and going to adventerous getaways -- which reminds me of how much fun I had kayaking w/ my sweetie on my birthday! That was a very romantic gesture of him. I'd do it again even if I was a big pregnant mama!!

Sheesh!! I just realized we're spending too much time in the house! We need to get out more often!

Dancing Queen

We need to go dancing more often! Last night David and I had a fun time hanging out w/ my parents at Dance-O-Rama. It's not the first time we've danced w/ them but it was the funnest time. We were dancing the cha-cha, pretending to know the bolero, stepping on each other's toes during the tango, and imitating a whole bunch of almost-professional ballroom dancers.

I'm sure my baby was enjoying all that extra oxygen. I was breathing like dog, but was never out of breathe. I learned that excercise is great for the baby as long as it's not too athletic -- and I don't know what "athletic" means. I consider myself a new "athlete" b/c I enjoy doing outdoorsy sports and going to adventerous getaways -- which reminds me of how much fun I had kayaking w/ my sweetie on my birthday! That was a very romantic gesture of him. I'd do it again even if I was a big pregnant mama!!

Sheesh!! I just realized we're spending too much time in the house! We need to get out more often!

Ginger-Ale! Ahhhh!

I discovered an appropriate drink for pregnancy -- GINGER-ALE!

It's non-caffienated, it takes care of nasea and of course it tastes good!

ahhhhhh!

First time to hear a heartbeat!

Whoo-wuw-oo-wuw-oo-wuw-oo-wuw-oo-wuw-oo

That's how our baby's heartbeat sounded like at our second visit with our midwife. I thought I would be emotional and teary this day but instead I was just glad w/ a smile b/c we were having insurance problems at the front desk . . . plus I was running late for the appointment due to traffic. Argh! On top of that, the midwife introduced a shadow doctor who was learning about midwifery practices and he'll be staying w/ us for the rest of my term. So , since this appointment turned out to be rushed along with a clinical visitor and insurance hassles, I didn't really pay dear attention to my baby.

But that heartbeat. . .how exciting!

I was sad, however, that our prenatal caregiver mentioned of another test to determine if there might be a serious defect w/ the baby resulting in termination. I'm not sure if I want that kind of murderous heartbreak even if the baby does have a defect. It's a life David and I created. I think it's too late for a miscarriage now - a forced miscarriage in this case. I'm already attached to my baby's life - hearing his or her heartbeat. Who besides God has the responsibility to terminate a baby's life?

WEIGHT: 152 LBS
BELLY: 36-1/2"
WAIST: 32"
BOOBS-H: 36-3/4"
BOOBS-V: 13-3/4"

Now Everyone Knows!

I have a coworker at my new job who shares the same name as I -- "Tracy". It's so awkward! I've never had a problem my entire life of having someone w/ the same name as I. Now I know what David goes through when someone yells across the room for "Dave". Almost everyone is named Dave. . .and it's a nice name by the way.

Anyways, Tracy comes into the office w/ a hysterical laugh. She says outloud to another coworker, "The Vice President just congratulated me on my pregnancy! How can that be?! I already have 3 kids and I don't want anymore! Who's been spreading lies that I'm pregnant?!"

I giggled inside b/c I knew that this turned out to be a great misunderstanding, but I kept listening. I watched the entire office stop their work to listen to her venting. After a few minutes, I admitted "it's me. . .I'm the one who's pregnant".

Then the rest of the day, I got many congrats and people looking at my belly. It's finally a relief to let that out in the open. I just didn't know when or how to say it to everyone. Perfect timing! -- I suppose.



Anyways, last night we met the greatest group of people that I've ever needed especially during this critical time of our relationship. We were invited to attend a function after church to meet w/ other Christian Young Married couples. These people were so beautiful inside and out. Of coursed I loved hanging out w/ the women b/c we huddled around the kitchen nook and shared our experiences as young married wives. I was the youngest wife amongst veterans who've been married 2 or more years. Being around them made marriage seem wonderful. I'm so glad that I'm not the only one dealing w/ conflict -- and I heard more conflict could occur w/ the arrival of our baby. One of the girls last night said the dearest words to me: "You are going to be a very beautiful pregnant woman!" Ahhhh =) -- just when I thought I was looking very different from them, she comes to greet me w/ special medicine to my ears & figure.

Vomit! Yuk!

Okay...I gave in...I vomited for the first time (two days ago). I tend to let myself get a little hungry before I eat. But I figured out one thing that helps tame my minor hunger pangs -- Chocolate & Vanilla Ice Cream!!



WEIGHT: 153 LBS
BELLY: 36-1/2"
WAIST: 32"
BOOBS-H: 36-1/4"
BOOBS-V: 14"